Mug Shots - Dan Brotzel

MUG SHOTS

Tea-leaf

The co-worker who never offers to make the tea, but always grabs the chance of a cuppa when someone else offers. Aka Tea-baddy.

Brew Dog

An apparently very eager teamaker whose drinks are so rank that people are beginning to suspect it’s a tactic to get out of further drink-making.

Lone wolf

A furtive, unsociable figure who refuses all offers of a drink from other people, and only ever makes a cup for themselves.

Herbert

The smug healthie who, when you offer to make a round of teas, pulls out their own liquorice, cinnamon & walnut sachet and proceeds to recite laborious instructions for its optimal infusion.

Nag-bag

The infuriating co-worker who always makes a very small but ostentatious round of drinks very early on (before most of the office have even sat down to work), then spends the rest of the day moaning about how it’s time for more tea but it’s definitely not their turn.

Tea-Totaller

A person who will never turn down an offer of a drink, even when they clearly have a steaming half-full mug on their desk already.

Sip-tease

The infuriating colleague who regularly hints at making a round of teas, but never actually follows through.

Mutual infusion pact

A strict agreement between two or three co-workers to only and always make drinks for each other.

Kettle prod

The person in the next cubicle you used to spend all day chatting and laughing with. The one who made work bearable, even if they never put enough milk in and always forgot to take the bag out.

The one that got engaged and left for that job in Canada. The one you keep meaning to email to say, Hey, you stole my David Bowie mug!

The one you never got round to telling was just your cup of tea.

Originally published by The Daily Drunk 2020

Dan Brotzel is the author of a collection of short stories, Hotel du Jack, and a novel, The Wolf in the Woods (both from Sandstone Press/Vertebrate). He is also co-author of a comic novel, Work in Progress (Unbound). His new book, Awareness Daze, is an account of his attempt to observe a different awareness day/fake holiday every single day for a year. More at www.danbrotzel.com