Confessional Poem - Bill Hollands

Chuckles the Clown is dead—

grand marshal of the circus parade,

dressed as Peter Peanut, crushed

by an elephant. The gang is sad

for a while. Ted’s a bit shell-shocked

since he was supposed to be

grand marshal, but Mr. Grant

wouldn’t let him and now Ted

understands the arbitrariness

of death. Then Murray starts up

with the jokes: It could have been worse—

you know how hard it is to stop

after just one peanut, etc. Mr. Grant

giggles. Sue Ann joins in. It’s up

to Mary in her trim pantsuit

to scold them. A man has died

after all. The gang is chastened. Mary

plans a televised tribute featuring

Chuckles’ most beloved characters—

Peter Peanut, of course, but also

Billy Banana, Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum,

Aunt Yoo-Hoo. The tribute will close

with Chuckles’ famous clown credo—

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer

down your pants. Later, at the funeral

(Georgette’s there too) Murray floats

one more joke, Mary says enough

is enough, and Murray promises no more

jokes. Everyone is solemn. The reverend

begins to speak (something about

Chuckles and his archrival

Señor Kaboom) and Mary

starts to laugh. Just a small whimper

at first, then she clears her throat, then

it’s almost a moan, she’s trying

so hard to hold it in. The reverend says

There was always some deeper meaning

to whatever Chuckles did and that’s

when Mary loses it, she can’t

contain it any longer, she’s alone

in her laughter and her pain

and she can’t stop, she simply

cannot stop.

Originally Published in The American Journal of Poetry, June 2021

Bill Hollands’ work has been featured on The Slowdown podcast and in such journals as DIAGRAM, The Adroit Journal, The Greensboro Review, New Ohio Review, Poetry Northwest, Plume, and Boulevard. His debut collection Mangrove (ELJ Editions) will be published in 2025.